We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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