so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
