You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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