Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize