That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
