I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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