i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
