No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you traded sex for a burrito?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I need water and some morals
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
