if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
