I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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