Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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