I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize