You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
