Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
