If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
