4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
