God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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