It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You ruined the universe
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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