he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
