end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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