hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
