no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
