So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
