Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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