Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
