i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
