I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
