All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
