OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize