Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
