Your tits are I can't wait for
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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