birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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