Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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