he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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