my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
