never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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