Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize