the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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