im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
