I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
