does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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