This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
