Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
