Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
