Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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