my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
