And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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