Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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