PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I want a musical about memes.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize