I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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