I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
