so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
