So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
