I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
