so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
