im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
