i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
