i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
