I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
So many bounce houses so little time
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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