summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize