sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
