I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
