guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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