Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just high enough for therapy.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
