i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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