I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
