$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
