Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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