Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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