can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
