okay pat passed out under dana's car
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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